Becoming a Dad Changed Everything (Including My Training)

And Why Doing Less Might Be the Answer You’re Looking For

Introduction: No One Warns You About This Part

I’m sure there is, mate.
You’re on a completely new journey now with becoming a Dad.

And yeah… it’s hard. Proper hard.

If it’s any consolation, I struggled with it too. I lost direction in my training, my business, and my job for a while. For a long stretch, I wasn’t thriving, I was surviving. Just making sure Kat and Ralph were looked after.

That alone can drain everything else.

New dad life doesn’t just change your schedule.
It changes who you are.

And if you’re reading this thinking, “I should be handling this better”, you’re not broken. You’re overloaded.

The Identity Shift No One Talks About

Becoming a dad doesn’t come with a clean handover.

One day you’re training hard, chasing goals, feeling capable.
The next, you’re exhausted, foggy, softer than you remember being, and wondering where your drive went.

You’re no longer the man you were before and that’s not a failure. It’s reality.

We instinctively carry lessons from how we were raised, and fatherhood has a way of dragging them to the surface. Responsibility hits differently when someone else depends on you.

A phrase I hear a lot from dads I work with lately is:

“Burnt out and soft to the touch.”

Not because they don’t care.
Not because they’re lazy.
But because they’re trying to be everything at once.

The Pressure Men Carry (Quietly)

Being a mum comes with pressures we’ll never fully understand.
The same is true for being a man.

There’s pressure to:

• Provide financially

• Be emotionally present

• Be a good partner

• Be a good dad

• Still feel strong, athletic, capable

And let’s be honest.. once upon a time, you were athletic.
You want that guy back.

But piling more expectations on top of an already full plate doesn’t work. It just leads to guilt, inconsistency, and eventually… inaction.

Why “Doing More” Is Making It Worse

Most dads don’t fail because they lack discipline.
They stall because they’re overwhelmed.

When everything feels important, nothing feels manageable.

Training plans built for 21-year-old athletes don’t work for 35-year-old dads running on broken sleep and high stress. And yet that’s exactly what most men try to follow.

More sessions.
More intensity.
More restriction.

It sounds productive but it’s the fastest way to burn out.

The Reset Question Every Dad Needs to Ask

Before changing your training, ask yourself this:

What do I actually want right now?

Not in five years.
Not who you used to be.
Not what Instagram says you should be.

Right now.

More energy?
Less stress?
To feel confident taking your shirt off?
To stop feeling like fitness is another thing you’re failing at?

Clarity comes from simplicity.

A Simpler Way Back to Training (That Actually Works)

Here’s what I use with every dad I coach.

1. Train Less Than You Think You Need To

Consistency beats intensity every time.

If you average 3–4 sessions per week across a year, you will get results. Life will interrupt you - kids get sick, work blows up, sleep disappears. That’s normal.

Build in wiggle room.

2. Find Your “Optimal Dose”

You should never train at a level you can’t sustain.

Your optimal dose is the minimum effective amount that:

• Improves your body

• Doesn’t spike stress

• Fits real life

For most dads, this is less volume and less intensity than they expect - and better results follow because they stick with it.

3. Stop Copying Athletes Without Your Life

What works for a pro athlete, CrossFit competitor, or influencer is irrelevant if it doesn’t fit your capacity.

All that matters is:

• You enjoy it

• It fits your life

• You keep showing up

  

You’re Not Weak - You’re Carrying Too Much

Here’s the reframe that changes everything:

You’re not failing at fitness.
Fitness is failing to meet you where you are.

The goal isn’t to become the man you were before kids.
It’s to become a stronger, calmer, more capable version of the man you are now.

That starts by doing less - but doing what matters.

Final Thought: Relax Into It

Rather than piling more pressure onto an already heavily loaded system, get curious.

This week:

• Lower the bar

• Choose attainable behaviours

• Focus on impact, not volume

Over time, you can build up again from a place of stability, not stress.

You’re not behind.
You’re just in a new season.

And that season requires a different approach.